What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 09:18
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why am I so triggered and depressed over a minor thing?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Do you know of a female masseuse that does door-to-door service in Bangalore?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Comes on , in middle age.
All the time i was locked up.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Can you write a poem or short story based on the first image that shows up on Pinterest?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Would this be the day?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
What are your funniest "lost in translation" moments if you grew up speaking more than one language?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She married twice! .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Ossett prostate cancer patient urges men to have checks - BBC
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She loved him until the end.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
What are some reasons why men may not want to date a woman who can pay her own bills?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
If women aren't shallow, why do most tall, good-looking men have girlfriends?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But ive been too sick for many years..
He knew the spot.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
This is soul school!.
When she asked me how she looked .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So whats the point in blame.
I was scared of men, in general
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im still living with it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We were not on the streets..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So, i spoilt her more .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I think the readers, may guess!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And i lived it daily.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Was to survive, this bastard.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I write beautiful poetry .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We all went to grammer schools
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I said to her
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why did i forgive my father ?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She was in good health!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My life is so biszare .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Especially a lifetime of it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was seconnd youngest,
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Who then, do I blame.?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But it wasn’t much.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My family never makes their pension either.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
It was going to be , some day.
(And it was in our own minds.)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She wouldn,t have been !
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I will be 64.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She found it foreign!.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But, we were locked up after school.
Ive learnt so much.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Put me off passion for life!!
I don,t even have a pension.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was 9 years of age.
What did i know ?
One cannot live in the past .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I have no regrets .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was very sick at this time too.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I waited trembling.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!